Why are the Vatican pagans so sleazy?

All the idol worship and pagan rituals taking place on the sacred grounds of the Vatican as part of that Amazin’ Amazon Synod are all abominations, of course. That much simply goes without saying.
Here, however, is a question which we at Catholic Cyber-Militia have not yet heard:
Why are these pagans so sleazy and low-rent?
I mean, if this is your big chance to do that “abomination of desolation”** thing in St. Peter’s Basilica, shouldn’t you be swinging for the fences? Instead, all we get is a blanket with some cheezy talismans, a couple of carved idols, and a bunch of aging white hippies shuffling alongside some indigenous types in what can only be described as pathetic and amateurish skits. We expect more from our pagans, as Hank Igitur explains…
** “When therefore you shall see the abomination of desolation, which was spoken of by Daniel the prophet, standing in the holy place: he that readeth let him understand.” Matthew 24:15, Douay-Rheims Bible